In case you need a primer on how to deal with various taxi drivers** in various countries:
Me: Please turn on the meter.
Bali Taxi Driver: Meter is on.
Me: No it isn’t.
Bali Taxi Driver: Yes it is.
Me: *staring at empty display* No numbers. Turn it on.
Bali Taxi Driver: How about 100,000 rupiah?
Me: *start spewing Bahaslish* I live here, I know the meter is not on. I will get out of this taxi while it is moving and your door will break.
Bali Taxi Driver: Fine.
Filipino Taxi Driver: I give you good deal
Me: What’s the deal?
Filipino Taxi Driver: You let me come home with you a few hours, I give you ride for no cost.
Saigon Taxi Driver: Cost is 170,000 dong
Me: Meter says 120,000 dong
Saigon Taxi Driver: 50,000 for ticket
Me: What ticket?
Saigon Taxi Driver: You give me 170,000 dong now
Me: What ticket is 50,000 dong? No highway, no toll, no tickets.
Saigon Taxi Driver: *blocks me into taxi physically even though my door is open* 170,000. Now.
Me: *gulp* *sigh* *dig out extra 50,000 dong* There is no ticket.
Bangkok Taxi Driver: Because hotel is so close no meter
Me: Yes meter, I have ticket.
Bangkok Taxi Driver: No, too close. No meter. 300 baht.
Me: That’s all the way into downtown! No. Turn on meter.
Bangkok Taxi Driver: Too close.
Me: *hand on handle* I will jump out of your taxi.
Bangkok Taxi Driver: YOU HAVE TO PAY ME 50 BAHT FOR TICKET
Me: Fine, but turn on the meter.
10 minutes later
Bangkok Taxi Driver: You get out now.
Me: But my hotel is still up the road
Bangkok Taxi Driver: Don’t care, I don’t like you. You walk now. Remember 50 baht for ticket.
Chiang Mai Taxi Driver: Hello miss, how are you?
Me: Good, you?
Chiang Mai Taxi Driver: I am good. Do you talk English?
Me: Yes, why?
Chiang Mai Taxi Driver: Today is good day.
Me: Oh, is it holiday?
Chiang Mai Taxi Driver: No, I get to practice English with pretty girl.
Me: Haha, oh. Ok.
10 minutes later
Chiang Mai Taxi Driver: Thank you for riding my car and talking English with me. Have good day with your yoga *giggle* and welcome back to Chiang Mai.
*This post inspired by Legal Nomads “A Conversation With My Cab Driver In Manila”
**Important to note not ALL taxi drivers in any of these locations are like this and I’ve had some lovely taxi rides throughout my travels…these are just some of the better gems I’ve had. Does not include my first Asian taxi ride that almost got me a boyfriend. ;)
Those were simpler times I think, I just feel like - we may be going back to that by the way, but uh. In a way good, because when I read things like “the foundations of Capitalism are shattering” I’m like ‘maybe we need that.’ Maybe we need some time where we’re walking around with a donkey with pots clinking on the sides.
Because everything is amazing right now and nobody’s happy.
Like, in my lifetime the changes in the world have been incredible.
When I was a kid we had a rotary phone. We had a phone that you had to stand next to, and you had to dial it. Do you know how primitive – you’re making sparks – in a phone. And you actually would hate people with zeros in their numbers because it was more – you’d be like “uh this guy has two zeros in his number, screw that guy, why would I want to-uh!”
And then if they called and you weren’t home the phone would just ring lonely by itself.
And then if you wanted money you had to go in the bank, when it was open for like three hours. You had to stand in line and write yourself a check like an idiot. And then when you ran out of money you’d just go ‘well, I can’t do any more things now. I can’t do any more things.’ And even if you had a credit card the guy would go “uh” and he’d bring out this whole “shunk-shunk.” and he’d write, and he’d have to call the President to see if you had any money…
Now we live in an amazing, amazing world and it’s wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don’t care, because this is what people are like now – they’ve got their phone and they’re like “uh! It won’t…”
Give it a second!
Give - it’s going to space!
Can you give it a second to get back from space!?
I was on an airplane and there was high-speed internet on the airplane – that’s the newest thing that I know exists. And I’m sitting on the plane and they go “open up your laptop, you can go on the internet.” And it’s fast and I’m watching YouTube clips – it’s amaz – I’m in an airplane!” And then it breaks down, and they apologize the internet’s not working. The guy next to me goes “phff - this is bulls%$^!” Like how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed ten seconds ago.
Flying is the worst one because people come back from flights and they tell you your story and it’s like a horror story – they act like their flight was like a cattle car in the forties in Germany – that’s how bad they make it sound. They’re like “it was the worst day of my life. First of all, we didn’t board for twenty minutes, and then we get on the plane and they made us sit there on the runway for forty minutes we had to sit there.” Oh really what happened next? Did you fly through the air incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?! You’re flying! It’s amazing! Everybody on every plane should just constantly be going “oh my God! Wow!” You’re flying! You’re sitting in a chair, in the sky!
But it doesn’t go back a lot.